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Sunday, 19 March 2017

WHEN I’M SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH: HOW TO DEAL WITH DEEP HURT IN RELATIONSHIPS

WHEN I’M SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH: HOW TO DEAL WITH DEEP HURT IN RELATIONSHIPS

 Contrary to popular belief I’m sorry will not make the offence disappear or make everything alright. It is not a magic wand you wave when you have hurt people you love expecting the heart to be as good as new. It works sometimes but most times it is not enough especially if the wound is deep.

I’m sorry is just like an ointment you apply on wounds, if it is just bruises it will heal quickly but if it is a deep wound it might sooth and relieve but the pain is still there and so is the wound. This is because I’m sorry cannot undo what has been done and cannot take away the pain. You express regret for your actions and you expect your partner to forgive immediately if they are human, well, they have to be superman or superwoman to do so.

So, here are what you can do when you have hurt your partner deeply and this has created a very long emotional distance between both of you. Bridge the gap with these useful tips:

#1# GIVE YOUR PARTNER TIME TO HEAL.

The saying that time heal wounds is true. If saying I’m sorry is not bringing back your partner’s love then he/she needs time. Don’t be angry with your partner for taking time to heal and don’t pressurize your partner to speed up the healing process. You need patience and your partner needs support and understanding. Give him/her a little time but keep the line of communication open.

#2# LET YOUR PARTNER KNOW YOU KNOW YOU MESSED UP

How did you even offer the apology in the first place? Some people put in a lot of excuses that the apology look like condemnation and they make the offended look like the offender. Let your partner know that you know you messed up and accept responsibility for your actions. The truth is that your partner is hurting, if I’m sorry doesn’t make him/her feel better then the pain is deep! Making him or her feel like he or she has done something to merit the pain is like poking the wound with a knife. Don’t add insult to injury!

#3# TAKE ACTIONS TO STOP FUTURE OCCURRENCE

If you have done something really terrible and your partner is taking time to heal doing something to stop future occurrence is going to help a lot. For instance if you got drunk and hit her I’m sorry is not going to make her bruises disappear or the hurt in her heart go away but if you go for counselling or go for rehabilitation to stop yourself from drinking alcohol in the future and becoming violent it might make her heal quicker.

#4# SHOWER YOUR PARTNER WITH LOVE

In most cases, the deep hurt springs from the feeling of being unloved. Deep in your partner’s heart he/she is feeling that you wouldn’t have done what you did if you truly love him/her. Now is the time for affirmation. Don’t pester or bother your partner too much but show loving actions. Also be careful not to make your partner feel like you are trying to buy their forgiveness. If you are sending your partner a gift, it shouldn’t be an expensive one but a thoughtful one that shows love and care.

#5# DON’T BE THE FIRST TO BREAK UP!

If you have done something to hurt your partner deeply and you went ahead to break up your partner may never forgive you. You don’t have the right whatsoever to be the first to break up. Even if you feel your partner will eventually break up with you let him/her be the first to do it. It is an unforgivable act, it is like shooting someone twice, the pain would be doubled and the scar too wide.


Don’t forget to show genuine repentance while taking these steps and Pray. Pray for yourself and your partner. Ask God to heal your partner and restore love into your relationship.
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Subomi Olaoye

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